“If I can teach you something in life, let it be this…to remember, never forget anything. Everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad. What life brings us is not for us to decide. All we can do is decide what to do with the time given to us. Use it and your words wisely, my dear, for neither can be retrieved. Learn to trust in hope, it will never fail. Don’t let those precious moments pass you by. You will never get them back. Learn to take your time in life but don’t live it too slowly, the world could pass you by. Don’t live too fast either or you will miss the good things in life. Appreciate everything that is given to you, even the bad and horrible things, for they too have a purpose. They too shape us into who we are. Learn to work hard for your accomplishments but also take the time to enjoy them once you get them. Life wasn’t meant to be all about work. It was meant for us to enjoy, to laugh and cry, to not only find out who we are and what our place is in this world, but also to be. To live. In every possible way. Don’t block your heart away from the world. You might miss the best thing of your life if you do.
“Also, love…especially love. It is the single greatest and most important thing that God has given us. If someone has hurt you don’t let that stop someone else from mending the pain. A broken heart is one of the worst things that can happen to a person in life but even greater than that is if we let that person continue to hurt us. Don’t be afraid to follow beauty to its lair. Don’t let fear overcome you. The treasure you seek is always hidden in the cave that you most fear to enter. Love can literally set you free. It really does give you wings. There are only two questions that are worth knowing the answer to in this life. What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same…only love. Don’t forget. Never forget. Learn to forgive yourself or you won’t be able to forgive others. Learn to trust yourself or you will never be able to trust others. Learn to love yourself or you will never be able to truly love anyone. You can do whatever you set your mind to. If you want something bad enough, you have to go out there and get it. No one is going to hand you anything in life. Row out and meet your boat. If life gives you a raft without paddles, then swim. Let nothing stop you. Remember, that is all I ask of you, to remember…my name is Emily Marie Rose and this is my story.”
Chapter 1
With Tom Petty blasting through the radio, windows rolled down, and the wind blowing carelessly through her hair, Emily felt absolutely free. She loved to drive, there was nothing that was more liberating than just her and the music and the open road. Finally done with college, she drove down an old highway that she had driven down only one other time in her twenty five years of life, and waited anxiously to see the small, white rectangular sign with its black letters, “BridgePort”, standing on it’s five foot post.
Once she caught sight of it she smiled, she was home. Home. As she reached the main road she turned the radio down and the fresh salty air came flying in through the windows and she breathed it in deep. She had missed that smell. Sure she lived on Manhattan Island in New York, but the smell was different here. It smelt cleaner, more like an ocean. As she drove slowly along, her mind drifted back in time to memories of this same street. It hadn’t changed one bit. A few new faces she noticed but there were still the same old ones as well. She waived to those who recognized her and she smiled as she watched the children on their bikes, the ones being dragged from store to store with their mothers, the ones who looked amazingly bored as their parents stopped to talk to a friend.
She moved slowly along through her old neighborhood and resisted the urge to give a long honk when she pulled into her parents’ driveway. She decided it best not to make a big entrance. She got her suitcases out of the trunk and wasn’t surprised to see her mother running towards her when she slammed it shut. Emily couldn’t resist giving a grin as she seen the forty four year old woman running through the front yard with blue jeans and a floral green shirt with a black and pink polka dot apron on. Definitely home, she thought.
She dropped her bags as her mother crashed into her and gripped her tight in a hug. A hug that, Emily realized now, she desperately needed.
“Oh my lord, she’s home! My baby is finally home! Jeff! Jeff! Get out here! She’s home!”
“Good to see you too mom and thanks for announcing me to the neighborhood.”
“Oh hush up so I can get a good look at you. My word, you’ve cut your hair short as a boys and colored it brown too.”
“It’s not as short as a boys and I haven’t colored it. There just isn’t as much sun in New York as there is here.”
“You look more and more like your father everyday,” Mollie said as she touched her daughter’s cheek affectionately.
“Yes, well, at least I got your good skin.”
“Oh, I have missed you so much Emily.” She hugged her daughter once again before turning around in search of her husband.
“Where is your father? Jeff! Get out here right this instant or cook your own supper tonight!”
With that, the screen door slapped closed and Jeff strolled outside. Emily waited anxiously for her father to cross the lawn as he took his time, which she knew he would, since he always did. Then her heart felt like it skipped a beat as he finally stood in front of her.
“Hi sugar.”
“Oh daddy!” she all but leaped into his arms and she felt the tears begin to come.
“Alright now, why don’t we all go inside and sit down so we can talk. You must be exhausted dear. Honey, get her bags will you?”
As Jeff hauled his daughter’s bags over his shoulder, he watched the two women go inside. His two women, he reminded himself with a hint of pride. It was still hard for him to believe. He set the suitcases down inside the living room and slowly made his way to the kitchen, pausing along the way to stare at photos that he had already looked at a hundred times that day. Smelling the coffee, he began to make his way more quickly.
Once he got there, he stood in the doorway and leaned against the jamb, admiring his wife. She was still wearing that silly apron that he hated and chopping up vegetables with that ridiculously expensive knife that she insisted she just had to have. Stupid infomercials…but when it came to his love, he would buy her anything and everything he could, no matter how much the price was, so long as it made her happy and didn’t break him. Then there was his daughter, with his sense of money he thought now, in blue jeans and a black t-shirt with bright pink flip flops on. He shook his head at the two of them, they were two completely different females that couldn‘t be more alike. He continued to watch his little girl, the pride and joy of his life, as she was his one and only daughter and his eldest. My little girl, he thought, is no longer a little girl.
She caught him staring at her and pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes while raising her right eyebrow, the same look he gave when he wanted to know what was up, but she thought she already knew, so she didn’t ask. She could tell what was going through his mind and she felt a bit sorry for the man. She knew she grew up too fast on him and regretted it as well.
“So mom, what’s for dinner?”
“What do you think? When you called yesterday saying that you’d be home, she had to run out and buy everything for your favorite meal,” Jeff informed her teasingly while he planted a kiss on his wife’s cheek.
“Well, Jeff, you know that I wanted it to be special for her. I haven’t made this meal in seven years.”
Emily felt some guilt tug at her stomach but just rolled her eyes. Her mother had a way of making her feel guilty about such things, no matter how big or small they were. Her father did it as well but it always hurt more when he did it because she felt as if she had disappointed him. Her mother, on the other hand, had a way of doing it that just made you want to peel your own skin off rather than have to listen to it.
“Oh Jeff, we’re out of milk!”
“So?”
“So I need some to make mashed potatoes.”
“I’ll go get it,” Emily willingly volunteered.
“No, you’ve been driving all day you don’t need to.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Besides, it’ll be fun to see all the surprised looks on everyone’s faces and then watch them run off so they can go flap their lips to their dearest friend.”
“Oh Emily!” was all her mother said as her father quickly sipped his coffee to hide his chuckle.
So she grabbed her keys and headed for the old Piggly Wiggly five blocks away. Once she got there she felt as though she had gone back in time. Everything was still the exact same and in the exact same place. She was a bit surprised not to see the same prices but that was BridgePort, one change at a time.
She strolled down the aisles leaning on her shopping cart deciding to pick up a few extra things that she would need. After getting her things and talking to practically every other person she ran into, she headed for the check out line. She didn’t pay the clerk any mind as she politely rang up her items and in a cheerful voice told her that the total was one hundred and fifty two dollars and sixty three cents. Emily’s head came up to start cussing her out but when she seen who it was she ran back behind the register and gave her old best friend a hug.
“Oh, Lizzy I can’t believe it’s you!”
“I thought that would get your attention.”
“What are you doing working here? I thought you went to California.”
“I was going to but then Tommy Jones asked me to marry him.”
“You married Tommy?”
“Going on five years and we have two kids.”
“You have kids?”
“Ethan’s four and Emily will be two next month.”
“You named her Emily?”
“Of course I named her Emily. I tried calling you to let you know about everything but I never could get a hold of you.”
“I know, I was always busy. I should have been here Lizzy, for everything.”
“Yes you should have…but if you were here then you wouldn’t be the only person from BridgePort to have a college degree now would you?”
“Some things are worth giving up.”
“So…is it true what they say about them college boys up there?”
“Oh Lizzy, you haven’t changed a bit!”
“Excuse me…”
The two women turned and stared at the man who was waiting in line.
“I can tell from a great deal of the conversation that you haven’t seen each other in a while, but do you think you girls could catch up some other time? I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
“Well, I guess you should have thought of that before you came to Piggly Wiggly’s sir,” Lizzy replied.
The young man’s eyebrows shot up and he opened his mouth to speak but then quickly shut it again. Emily hid her smile and walked back around the counter to give Lizzy the money. As she handed her the change she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow at the party.”
“Party? What party?”
“Oh they didn’t tell you? Whoops, well now you know.”
“She’s throwing a party? Who all did she invite Lizzy?”
“Just a couple of people.”
“She invited the whole town didn’t she?”
“No! Not the whole town…you know she can’t stand Mrs. Crawford.”
Emily’s smile faded as she turned and seen the man tapping his fingers and giving her a very impatient stare. She gave him her best “go to hell” look she had and walked off. She loaded her things into the trunk while mumbling to herself and then started for home to give her mother a piece of her mind. Party? What was that woman thinking? She wasn’t going to any party, at least not one for her. Emily hated being the center of attention. As she pulled in the drive she decided it best to leave it be. Lord knew that there was no changing that woman’s mind once she had it made up. So she would just act surprised and grit her teeth through it.
As she and her parents sat down for supper she heard a car honking as it pulled into the driveway.
“Who’s that?” she asked but when the door flew open and she heard, “Lucy, I’m home!” she jumped out of her seat and ran to the front door and jumped on the man standing there. After knocking him to the ground she planted a big noisy kiss on his cheek.
“Did you miss me then Ricky?”
“Always. Now get off of me.”
She stood up and then helped her younger brother up as well. She had missed him desperately but they had kept in touch with phone calls and E-mails. She looked at him then and seen that he hadn’t changed a bit except for the fact that he was now taller than her.
“Think you’re going to out grow me, do you Shawn?”
“Well I see you haven’t lost your Carolina accent. Oh, something smells good.”
“I know I do.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
She jumped on his back and he carried her into the kitchen then set her back down on her feet.
“Hello honey, thought you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow?” his mother said as she gave him a kiss.
“So did I but it turns out I lied. I figured I’d come down tonight and see the little brat.”
“I’m not a brat. You were the one they spoiled.”
“I’m not spoiled and you are a brat.”
They all sat down and after Jeff prayed over the food they began to eat and catch each other up on new times and then they reminisced about the old ones. After they were done, Emily and Shawn washed the dishes and put them away. Their parents were in the living room watching old reruns of ‘All in the Family’ so they decided to go out and spend time together. The two of them had always been close and did practically everything together, despite the three years that separated them of age, and they always told each other everything. They fought as well, after all, they were brother and sister, but still they remained closest friends and nothing had ever changed that.
They drove down to the Tasty Freeze and grabbed some ice cream cones as they walked and talked. Then Shawn got the great idea of going to Riley’s bar to share a drink since she wasn’t there for his twenty-first birthday. So they jumped in the car and down they went. The place was packed seeing as how it was Friday night and there wasn’t a table or booth left empty, so they hopped up on a stool and ordered a Guinness each.
“Well look what the sea swept in!”
“Hey Tommy, how have you been?”
“Not too bad and yourself?”
“I was doing pretty good until I ran into Lizzy and found out you stole her away from me.”
“Well, I’d say I’m sorry for it but it‘d be a lie.”
“Good.”
“Hey John! Come out here a minute and look who’s here!” Tommy wiggled his eyebrows at her with a smug grin happily on his face.
“Well, good evening Miss Emily.”
“You!” was all she could think to say as she stared at the man from the grocery store.
“Yeah it’s me.”
“I…I didn’t recognize you before.”
“I could tell.”
“Well why didn’t you say something?”
“Now why would I go and do a thing like that and ruin this moment?”
“Oh shut up and give me my beer.”
“You got an I.D.?”
“John you know that I am plenty old enough to drink a damn beer!”
“Can’t be too sure, last time I knew you were eighteen. Isn’t that right Tommy?”
“Sure is, doesn’t look like she’s twenty-one either.”
“Last time you knew my age you dragged me out to your granddaddy’s barn and tried as hard as you could to get in my pants.”
“Wasn’t all that hard as I recall,” he flashed his teeth at her as he slid her and Shawn their drinks.
“You be nice to my sister John Riley, Jr. I don’t want to have to beat your ass later.”
“How you been Shawn?”
“Can’t complain.”
“That’s what you always say.”
“That’s because I don’t have anything to complain about.”
“Well, seeing as how you two must finally be celebrating this man’s twenty-first birthday, the first couple rounds are on the house.”
“Thanks John,” Shawn said as he clanked glasses with his sister and began to gulp down his drink.
“And as for you Miss Emily…I’ll see you tomorrow at the party.”
Being reminded about the party put Emily in a foul mood, as he knew it would, and she began to drink even faster than her brother. She talked to Tommy a while and was annoyed at the fact that her eyes would wander towards John’s direction whenever he came out of the kitchen to bring people their orders. Even more annoyed when he would catch her looking. Then she started talking to her brother about the stupid party and got herself even more upset. An hour and twelve glasses later, she had forgotten about it and a lot of other things as well.
“Shawn, I’m sure glad you came down here to New York to see me.”
“I thought you came to England to see me?”
“Would you look at these two?” Tommy said to John, “You aren’t in New York, you’re in BridgePort, North Carolina, and Shawn you haven’t been to England in your entire life!”
“I haven’t?”
“Nope, we haven’t Shawn,” Emily said as she threw an arm up over his shoulders.
“But we could be in England by tonight if you’re wantin’ to go.”
“Well then let’s go! I always wanted to see that funky little tower.”
“You mean the Eiffel Tower?”
“That’s the one Johnny boy! The eye full of power! Let’s go Emily!”
He stood up and rubbed his hands together like a man on a mission.
“Sit down Shawn, you aren’t going to England tonight,” John said as he helped him back onto his stool.
“But Emily said I could,” he protested.
“Yeah, I did. You telling me what I can and cannot do with my own brother?” she stood up and pointed a finger in his chest.
“No Miss Emily. Wouldn’t dream of it. But seeing as how you just got here and you’re both ten sheets to the wind, I’d recommend just staying where you are for the moment.”
“All right then. Shawn, let’s go shoot us a game of pool.”
“Okay, which table?” he asked as he stood up and swayed.
“What do you mean which table? There’s only one!”
He narrowed his eyes and gave it a long hard look.
“You sure? ‘Cause I see three of ‘em.”
Emily looked at him confused and then looked back at the table.
“Damn. You’re right, there is three of them.”
“Why don’t you guys just sit down and talk to me a while?” John said trying hard not to laugh.
“Okay, but I want another beer,” Emily pointed a finger at him.
“Me too!” Shawn said enthusiastically.
“I think you’ve both had plenty to drink and if I give you anymore you’re mom will have my hind end raw by sun up.”
“Oh, don’t worry about her! She ain’t as ugly as she cooks,” Shawn waived a hand to dismiss what he just said since it didn’t make any sense to him either.
“I’ll have you know John Riley, Jr. that I’m not as drunk as you think I am.”
“No?”
“No.”
“What’s my middle name then?”
“It’ll be whatever it’s gonna be now give me another drink!”
“Alright Emily but I’m telling your mother you threatened to jump my bones if I didn’t.”
“That’s fine! Right now I kind of do.”
“Emily Marie Rose you watch what you say about that man who is my best friend!” Shawn stuck a finger in his own chest to emphasize his meaning and knocked himself off the stool.
“You freakin’ idiot, look what you’ve gone and done now! Knocked yourself clean on your own butt,”
Emily said as she helped her brother back up on the stool.
“I meant to do that and I love you,” he planted a sloppy, noisy kiss on his sister’s cheek.
“You always were a happy drunk Shawn,” John said as he laughed at the two idiots.
“And why shouldn’t I be? I like being drunk…it makes me feel good.”
“Yeah! So give us another drink!”
He slid them their drinks then walked to the other end of the bar to let Tommy know that he’d be leaving soon to drive them home. After they finished their drinks and sang a very bad version of a chorus to ’Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’, John finally persuaded them to leave the bar and get into his truck. He was thankful that neither of them decided to get sick on the drive to their house. He felt bad knocking on the front door of Mr. Rose’s house at two a.m. but he had no choice. When he opened the door he gave a good stare at the three of them.
“What in the world…” but before he could finish he could smell the beer practically oozing out of his two children.
“Hello dad! I is home!” Emily declared as she threw herself on her father.
“And so is I!” Shawn proclaimed as he did the same.
“And I am awfully sorry about having to leave these two drunken idiots with you sir,” John said with a hint of a smile.
“Oh I bet you are John Riley, Jr. and you ain’t getting out of this mess so easily seeing as how your bar is the only one in town. Help me get them into bed.”
Jeff shoved his son up the stairs to his room and John carried Emily to hers. Jeff, being an opportunist, stripped his son to his skin in front of the tub.
“All right boy, in you go.”
“Go? Dad is you half cracked? I can’t go anywhere I’m naked and people will laugh at me and then kick my ass. You on drugs?”
“Get your scrawny butt in that tub boy, now!”
He shoved him in and turned the water on ice cold and full blast and held his son under.
“Stop it! Dad! Stop! I didn’t mean to touch her I swear! She manipulated me, women does that sort of things.”
Remembering well the flashback that his son was having, Jeff only laughed and grabbed his son by the hair and pulled his head back for the water to wash his face.
“Well you should have thought of that before you stole my car and poked at a woman in my back seat!”
“Daddy please! Please!”
Laughing even harder now, he turned off the water and tossed a towel to his son.
“Feel any better?”
“Oh my head hurts.”
“As well it should you little idiot! Getting you and your sister drunk. What were the two of you thinking?”
“Obviously about getting drunk and dang it, we aren’t quitters! We set our mind to something and we get the job done!”
“Shut up and get your butt in bed and to sleep.”
Jeff went back to his own room remembering to keep his laughter in check as to not wake his wife, lord knew if she woke to two drunken kids and a husband who just laughed about it, she would raise hell.
John considerably thought about stripping Emily down naked and throwing her in the shower but, seeing as how her parents were home, he thought it probably wasn’t the best idea. So he laid her carefully on the bed and started to take her shoes off.
“You leave me alone John Riley, Jr. I’m not having sex with you! I ain’t that drunk!”
“Shut up and hold still, I’m just taking off your shoes.”
“And then my pants! I know how you are!” she began kicking outrageously and caught him smartly in the jaw.
“Damn it woman hold still!”
He finally got them off and then started tugging at her pants.
“You see! You see! I knew you would you horn dog! Leave me alone or I’ll scream!”
“You’re already screaming and I’m not trying to get in your pants I’m just trying to get them off of you! Now shut up before your parents wake up!”
“My parents are here? And you’re trying to sleep with me with them here? Oh, you wait ‘till I tell your granddaddy John Riley, Jr. he’ll have you skinned down one side and up the other!”
“Well that he probably would if I was trying to get a feel at you but I’m not. So just shut up and hold still.”
Finally done getting her pants off, he tucked her underneath the covers and wanted to scream at the woman for falling asleep on him. He only grinned and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Goodnight, Miss Emily,” he said as he turned off the light and quietly closed the door as he left.
“Stay…”
Chapter 2
When Shawn woke up to sunlight shining in his face he gave a loud curse and wished to God that it would stay dark forever. He had been drunk plenty times before and each time he always made the same vow that he always broke, “Never again. That I swear, never again…” Stumbling his way downstairs, while holding on to his head, he finally made it to the kitchen. He sat down at the table and buried his face in his hands, when he smelt the coffee he dared to peak through his fingers. His mother was there fixing breakfast and his father was reading the newspaper.
“Where’s Emily?” he asked them.
“Still asleep I suppose. Have a good time last night son?” his father didn’t even try to hide his smile.
“Oh, it was just wonderful and it’s going to be a wonderful morning as soon as I go and wake that girl up. If I have to suffer then so does she.”
He went upstairs and banged loudly on his sister’s door. When her only answer was a curse he opened the door and went inside, pulled the covers off of her and through back the curtains.
“Damn it Shawn, what did I ever do to you?”
“That’s payback for pulling my pants off when I was sixteen in front of Alice Myers.”
“See if I ever get drunk with you again.”
“Oh I’m sure you will, you know you love me. Now get out of bed and get dressed, I promised Old Man Riley a visit from the two of us today before the party.”
“Old Man Riley? Party? Oh…” she buried her face in the pillow and Shawn snatched it from her and popped her in the head with it.
“Get up, now!”
After he left, Emily unwillingly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and got undressed and stepped inside. When the cool water hit her face she felt like sitting down right there in the tub and staying there forever. Instead, she finished bathing and threw on some clothes and then went downstairs.
“My God, the dead has arisen,” Shawn exclaimed when she came into the kitchen.
“Oh do shut up.”
“And how are you doing this morning?” her father asked.
“Oh I’m just peachy.”
“Well that’s good to hear.”
“Alright,” her mother began, “I want to know what happened to you two last night. Everybody’s talking and I haven’t the slightest clue as to what’s going on.”
“We dressed up as nuns and went bar hopping mom,” Shawn informed her.
“Oh for heaven’s sake Shawn!” was all she said.
After they were done eating, Shawn and Emily got in his car and made their way to Old Man Riley’s house on the outside of town by the ocean. Emily was always sweet on the old man, ever since she was little, she had a soft spot for him. From the first time she had met him and his wife, she fell in love with them immediately. Most people thought that he was a hard old man but Emily knew better because she had spent every moment she could spare with him. She half listened to her brother as they drove along the road that wound along the coastline. Her mind drifted back to those days when Nellie Riley was still alive, before the cancer had taken her. In all the time that she had known Mr. Riley she had never seen him cry, at least not until the day that his wife of sixty years had died.
As they crossed over the bridge that led to Old Man Riley’s driveway, Emily leaned forward eagerly in her seat. Her heart pounded as the house came into view. The old smoke-gray brick house with it’s black roof and round tower, that Emily absolutely loved, Mrs. Riley’s gardens that covered the front yard along with thick rows of trees. As Emily looked upon it, she thought it looked like an old witch’s house, and that, in fact, had been how she had first met the Riley’s.
She was nine years old and her friends had told her that the house was haunted and had dared her to go inside. They had said that an old witch had once lived there and was burned alive in that very yard, being young and naive, she had believed them, and being one to never back down from anything, she went inside. But she had not found a ghost, instead she had found a woman arranging flowers in a vase while singing some song in a different language, which she had found out later on was Gaelic, and when the woman turned and seen her there, she just smiled and went right on singing.
And that, Emily thought now as they walked up to the front porch, was the first time she had fell in love with Mrs. Riley. Shawn knocked on the door and quickly put his cigarette out as he heard footsteps approaching. The door opened and there stood an old man who didn’t look a day older from the last time Emily had seen him.
“Why Shawn, what have you brought me?”
“I told you I’d drag her butt down here today, didn’t I?”
“That you did, that you did. Well come inside and we’ll talk.”
When Emily walked inside she realized that the house hadn’t changed a bit either. Some of the furniture was a little old and worn, but the same, and the smells were even the same. Ginger, which was one of Mrs. Riley’s favorites to cook with, and flowers. She really loved her flowers. As they sat down in the living room, Emily caught Mr. Riley’s eyes and seen the smile in them and she offered it back.
“Well, Miss Emily, you finally came home.”
“I did.”
“Took you long enough, girl.”
“I know, I always meant to come back sooner but…”
“You were busy.”
“Yes, I was always busy.”
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to working hard for what you want, but if you don’t take the time for enjoying it, what’s the point in all that hard work to begin with?”
“And that is why people call me lazy, when really I’m just enjoying what I got.”
“Really? Last time you said, ‘I’m not loafing around, I’m conserving energy’, so which is it?”
“Both.”
Mr. Riley only laughed, he had always enjoyed their company and never grew tired of it. From the first time he had seen Emily standing on his back porch watching him work in the stables, her eyes eager to learn and full of curiosity and only at the age of nine, he had liked her. She wanted to learn everything he could teach her and he took the patience he so rarely gave to others and taught her. Shawn, on the other hand, was eager to learn but never willing to put forth the effort into learning, but the boy had a sharp wit and good humor. If ever you were in need of a smile, Shawn was the one to talk to, and he had a very sentimental understanding of things. When his Nellie had died, it was Shawn who had talked him through most of it…and listened.
“So, I hear you kids had a good time last night.”
“Yes we did. John fixed us up pretty good,” Shawn replied.
“Oh I bet he did.”
“I was wondering something Mr. Riley, why is John working at the bar? I thought he was going to go to Ireland?”
“He did for a couple years after you left Emily…but he came back here. He said no matter where he goes in life, this will always be home. Wouldn’t you agree, Miss Emily?”
She smiled at him, he always talked in riddles and had a way of making you realize and understand exactly what you needed to.
“Yes, I suppose I do.”
“Shawn, I was wondering if you would do an old man a favor?”
“For you Mr. Riley, anything.”
“Good, come with me outside a moment won’t you?”
The two of them went out the back door and were gone for several minutes before Emily got up and started to walk around the room. She lingered over Mrs. Riley’s trinkets that she had admired since she was a little girl and then she picked up a picture of Mrs. Riley on the fire mantle and smiled. She felt as if her heart became heavy and wanted very much to cry, but she didn’t.
“A smile of sorrow.”
Emily turned around but didn’t see anyone there. She had heard a woman’s voice, she was so sure she had. She put the picture back in it’s place and sat back down on the couch. She realized that it was Mrs. Riley she had heard, in her head, it was something that she had heard her say a hundred times before, and even now she was right. Then another picture caught Emily’s eye and she walked towards the end table by Old Man Riley’s chair and snatched it up. It was of her at her college graduation.
“John took that picture,” Mr. Riley said as he came back in the house alone.
“John? But…how…”
“He went up there to New York to see you graduate.”
“Why did he go? Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Well that’s something you’ll have to ask him, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I will.”
“Now then, sit down and talk to me a while. It’s been too many years since we’ve gotten to spend any time together and I do miss the company.”
“What’s on your mind Mr. Riley?”
“Oh now, why would you say such a thing,” he tried to hide his smile but failed.
“Because I know you and I can tell when there’s something on your mind. So why don’t we just cut through all the bull crap and get down to business.”
“Ha! I always liked you best Emily, you spend time with a person and you have them figured out within only a few minutes. Always were able to do that, even when you were younger, and you were always one to get straight to the point without all the nonsense.”
They were silent for a moment, Emily watched him as his eyes wandered off into space and then he smiled to himself, a smile of sorrow she could tell. He looked down at his hands and started to turn his wedding band that he still wore, in slow circles around his finger, then he looked up at her and gave her that same smile.
“I was wondering if you were okay, Emily.”
“I’m fine.”
“Oh, I know, you’re always fine, no matter what happens. The world could be falling apart all around you and fire spewing down from the heavens and you would be fine. You’re like a duck on the water, Miss Emily. On the surface everything is fine and calm but underneath that water those feet are kickin’ a mile a minute.”
“I’m fine, really. I’m back home, I’m done with college, and now all I have to do is find a job and a house and finish living my life.”
“That’s all, huh? Well, that doesn’t sound too hard.”
“Mr. Riley, is something bothering you?”
“Yes, yes something is bothering me. You are!”
“Excuse me?”
“I know you don’t like to share your feelings with just anybody but I’m not anybody Emily Marie! You know you can talk to me about anything and I know that there has been something chewing at the back of your mind, now tell me what it is.”
Emily held her breath for a moment and then let it out in one short huff. She knew she couldn’t fool Mr. Riley, just saying that she was fine wouldn’t be enough for him, because he knew her better than anyone.
“It’s just…coming back here, to all of this, it just reminds me of things.”
“What sort of things?”
“You know very well what things I’m talking about Mr. Riley.”
“I see,” he said in a voice of sadness, “Emily, I know life hasn’t been easy for you, but don’t you think it’s time to let it go?”
“I want to, so badly, but I can’t forget it no matter how hard I try, it’s always there, in the back of my mind. Every single day I have to fight off memories of that. Every day.”
“I never said to forget about it, I said to let it go. Life is like a horse, Miss Emily, you either ride it or it rides you. It’s the choices we make that decides that.”
“How can I let something like that go? What am I suppose to do?”
“That’s not something that can be taught Emily, you have to learn it on your own.”
“I just wish that none of it would have ever happened.”
“So do all who face such things but we can’t decide what life gives us. We take what we’re dealt and decide what to do with it. It isn’t our abilities that say who we are, it’s our choices.”
“You’re right, you always are. It’s just easier said than done.”
“You’re a smart girl Emily, in time, you’ll figure it out.”
“Can I ask you something Mr. Riley?”
“You know you can.”
“When Mrs. Riley died, how did you let it go?”
“I talked to Shawn and you and family, and that made me feel good enough to realize that it wasn’t something I could have changed or prevented. Death is a part of life and a journey all of it’s own, and I choose to remember the good times that we had together.”
“What if there aren’t good times to remember?”
“There are always good times Emily, they’re just harder to recall than the bad.”
Emily looked back up towards the mantle and stared at the picture of Mrs. Riley again. She was remembering her, remembering the good times with her, she smiled and she heard Mrs. Riley’s voice again, “A smile of sorrow.” She heard the front door open and her thoughts were interrupted.
“Well, good to see you don’t have a horrible hang over Miss Emily,” John Riley, Jr. said as he entered the living room.
“I told you I wasn’t that drunk.”
“So you did. How you doin’ granddad?” John bent over and kissed the old man’s forehead.
“I’m good, John boy, how ‘bout you? You get that boat of yours fixed yet?”
“No, not yet, but nearly there.”
“You gonna take me sailing when she’s done?”
“You know I will.”
“Good, it’s been too long since I’ve been out on the water. Well, if you kids don’t mind, I think I’ll just go upstairs and rest for a bit.”
He patted Emily on the hand before he stood up and gave her a reassuring smile, then slapped his grandson on the back and went upstairs. Emily watched John watching her and wanted to ask him about the picture, but was partly afraid to. But, curiosity got the best of her.
“John, is there something you’re keeping from me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know perfectly well what I mean.”
“Well, obviously I don’t or I wouldn’t be asking.”
“The picture on the table.”
John turned around and picked it up, as he looked at it he sat down in his grandfather’s chair, then after a moment he looked up at Emily and placed the picture back on the table.
“I wanted to see you graduate, so I went and I seen.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because isn’t an answer John.”
“Because I was proud of you and I wanted to actually see what you had done instead of just hear about it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to come? We could have gone out or something, I could have shown you around New York or whatever.”
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?”
“At first I was going to surprise you. I was going to get your attention after the ceremony but…when I saw you…I knew I’d need more than a surprise visit to…”
“To what?”
“To make things better between us.”
“John, things are fine between us now.”
“No, they‘re not. We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend on and off since the fifth grade Emily. And sometime between then and seven years ago, I fell in love with you and that’s not ever going to change.”
Emily didn’t say anything, she didn’t know what to say. She already knew how he felt but every time he said it, it made her feel anxious, scared.
“What did I do wrong Emily? Why did you just leave? Why can’t you tell me?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong John.”
“Then what was the problem? We’re good together, you know we are! And whether you admit it to yourself or not, I know you love me! Then the last couple months you were here you wouldn’t let me touch you, not even hold your hand, you barely spoke to me! Obviously I had to have done something wrong!”
“John please…”
“No! I’m not gonna let it go this time Emily! Do you have any idea how much I beat myself up about that! Everything was perfect and then in one day it all changed. I have a right to know what happened. You know I do.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because isn’t an answer Emily.”
When she looked up at him, he seen the tears in her eyes and that was where he had always stopped before, but not this time. Everyday for the past seven years he tried to think of a reason, what he might have done or might not have done. And every time he asked, she would get those tears in her eyes and he would stop. But not this time. He didn’t say anything, he wasn’t going to, not until she did.
“I can’t tell you John.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s something that I’m still dealing with.”
“You once told me that people who love each other do everything together. Why won’t you let me help you? You use to tell me everything, even if you thought I would think it’s stupid or childish, you would still tell me.”
“This is different.”
“I love you Emily, I always will, but sometimes I wish I didn’t.”
When her head shot back up at him he got up and went out the back door and headed for the stables. With nothing else to do, Emily followed him and made the tears that so desperately wanted to come out go away. She stood in the doorway and watched him as he got his horse out and started to groom him and check his hooves. Since he refused to look at her she went down to the other end of the barn and got her own horse, the one Mr. Riley had given to her when it was born. It was a mare that was white but had brown and black spots. She had named it Wild.
“Hey there, you miss me?”
The horse nudged it’s head next to hers and she smiled and led Wild back down to the other end of the barn where John was saddling his horse. Emily checked Wild’s hooves and saddled it as well, when she began to get up on it, she noticed that John was waiting for her at the door. She rode towards him and he finally looked at her.
“Where do you wanna go Miss Emily?”
Her heart dropped a little more, it was the exact same thing he had said when he had first shown her how to ride. It was what he said every time they rode somewhere.
“Anywhere.”
“Think you can keep up?”
“You challenging me, John Riley, Jr.?”
“Always.”
He took off down the trail that lead to the open fields and Emily shot off after him. She had missed horse riding and as soon as Wild was at a full gallop and she felt the wind fly by her she smiled widely and even laughed a little. She became even more giddy when John would slow down enough for her to catch up and then take off again as soon as she did, challenging her, urging her to rise up and meet that challenge, and she did. Once she got ahead of him, she made a sharp turn and lead him into the trees and once she found the trail she was looking for she urged Wild to go faster.
As soon as John seen her take off he slowed his horse, Cobalt- which he so admiringly named since it was cobalt black, and led him to a trail towards the left. He knew where Emily was going, the trail lead to the beach, and the way he was going would get him there five minutes faster than that which she had taken. As soon as Emily caught sight of the beach she slowed down and when she came to the spot where the trees started to fade back and the rocks became white sand she stopped and turned around to look for him.
She waited a moment and then became a bit worried when she didn’t see John. Annoyed at the thought of having to go and look for him she let out a breath and began to turn around until she heard him.
“You looking for me sweetheart?”
She spun back around and tried to shoot daggers through his chest with her eyes.
“How did you beat me?”
“It’s my secret and I’ll never tell.”
“I thought you got lost.”
“Me? Get lost in my own backyard?”
She only rolled her eyes at him and started to trot along beside him. As they slowly rode their horses along the beach, they talked and laughed about their memories and John told her everything about his time in Ireland and she told him everything about her time in New York. When they came to a cliff that started where the trees met the sand and continued out into the ocean, they tied their horses to a tree and left them to graze, and then John led her up towards it by the hand.
“My grandma brought me here when I was about seven. I had asked her how she and my granddaddy first met and we rode our horses out here and she started to bring me up here and told me their story.”
“Is that so.”
“Yes, so shut up and listen ‘cause you’re gonna hear it whether you want to or not.”
“I do want to hear it, you know I do.”
“Well then, I don’t know if you knew or not but my grandma came here from Ireland with her family. She was sixteen then and was in love with a man from the town she had lived in all her life. When her parents told her that they would be coming to America, she was heartbroken. She knew that she would never see him again so, they made plans to runaway together and get married. That didn’t happen because the night that they were suppose to meet each other a storm blew in, they lived close to the ocean then too, and the rain came down so hard and the wind blew so fierce they thought there might have been a hurricane that night, so she didn’t go. She doesn’t know if he went or not but the next day when they set to sail, he came running after her. He never reached her in time but they seen each other as she stood on the deck and waived to him and he waived back, with both hands she says. Then as the boat started to take off he shouted out to her, ‘I love you Nellie and I’ll find you again,’ and grandma said that she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces right then and there because she knew that he wouldn’t be able to.
She said that she spent the entire voyage in her room and cried herself to sleep every single night. When they finally made it over here, they had the house built, the one my granddaddy lives in now, and they got settled in. The first night they stayed there she snuck out of the house and was going to get on a ship and go back to Ireland. Instead…she came here.”
He paused a moment to help her over the last step and they stood on the top and walked towards the peak and looked out over the ocean.
“She just stood here and watched the horizon waiting to see sails on it, waiting to see the ship that would be carrying him, but she didn’t see one that night. So the next night she came back out here and every night after that. A month went by and she still came out here and one night when she did that’s when my granddaddy came walking by down on the beach and seen her. He says that he doesn’t know what made him look up that night, he just felt something inside of him telling him to and when he did, he says that he thought he seen a ghost. She had long dark, curly red hair and a white night gown on that hung down to her feet and draped over her arms. He also says that he doesn’t know where he found the courage to walk up to her, because he really did think she was a ghost. But he said that she was so beautiful, ghost or not, that he couldn’t stop himself.
When he finally made it up here, he just stood beside her and looked at her for a moment and she just looked right back at him. She gave a him a smile, he says it was a smile of sorrow, and then she turned and looked back at the ocean. He did too and they stood there like that for a long time, neither of them said anything to each other that night, and when she turned to go away, he seen a tear rolling down her cheek. The next night she came back out here and so did he and again they stood and looked out over the water together, neither saying a word to each other. It went on like that for a couple of weeks and then one night, she really started to cry. Grandma said that she had given up hope and finally realized that her Irishman really wasn’t going to come, and when she cried, granddad took her by the hand and just held it.
“The next night they met here again and they held hands again,” as John said this he moved behind Emily and wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder, “and after a couple of hours my granddad turned and looked at her and said, ‘The hardest part about wanting something we know we can never have is having to let it go,’ and then he kissed her hand and he left. My grandma says that she fell in love with him that night. She said all that time they spent together in silence she grew more attached to him than anyone else in her entire life and she never had to say anything. She said that a man who understands a woman without her ever speaking a word is definitely a man worth keeping because half the time they don’t understand you even when you tell them a hundred times what’s going on. She said they fell in love in silence, standing over a blanket of water and stars and under a spotlight of the moon. A few days later they became sweethearts and when she was old enough, they got married. Grandma said that if she hadn’t been waiting for what was wrong she would have missed out on what was right…I’ve missed you Emily.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around her and buried his nose in her hair. The mixture of the salty sea air and her coconut shampoo and the way her body was pressed so tightly to his had his senses tingling all over. When she wrapped her arms around his and held on tightly, it took everything within him to keep from smothering her with kisses.
“I’ve missed you too. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you John, I’m just not ready to. It still hurts me too much to talk about it, especially with you, it’s still too real. I promise that someday I will tell you but it has to be when I’m ready to.”
“Will you at least tell me if it’s something I did?”
“Do you think that I would have just gone away if it was? No, I would have chewed you’re butt out everyday for the past seven years instead…it’s nothing you did John, it’s just something that happened.”
He let out a sigh of relief and turned her around to face him. He stared into her eyes, those deep endless green eyes, and settled with kissing her on the forehead. They made their way back down the cliff and got back on their horses and slowly made their way to Old Man Riley’s house. Once they reached the barn, they dismounted and unsaddled their horses and put them back in their stalls, they were silent as they made their way up to the house and when they got inside Shawn was there waiting for her.
“You took long enough.”
“I was busy.”
“Well, you’re fixing to get even busier, we have to go, now!”
“Why?”
“The party.”
“Oh good lord, no. Please Shawn, tell her I got sick with some rare illness and had to be rushed to the hospital…in California, because that’s the only place that they have the doctors who can help me.”
“I don’t think there are enough doctors in the world to help you Emily and we’re leaving, now.”
Emily kissed Old Man Riley on the cheek and smiled at John. As soon as they got in the car, Shawn lit up a cigarette and they went home to start the wonderful disaster Emily knew would come.
Chapter 3
As Emily showered, she thought of all the excuses to tell her mother as to why she couldn’t be present for the party. She took her time bathing and when she stepped out she seen a beautiful sundress hanging on the door for her. She picked it up and looked it over, it was absolutely cute to her. It was white with prints of yellow flowers outlined in black and was halter-topped. She looked at the tag and smiled when she seen her mothers name on it.
Her mom had always made her clothes, the woman had a gift for it and made her living by it as well, selling clothes that she made in BridgePort. Emily didn’t know why she did it, the woman could make a lot more money selling them in finer stores in other towns, but her mother wasn’t that money hungry. It was just something she enjoyed doing and so she did it. Which is why when Emily went to college for photography, her mother didn’t complain about it, since it was what she loved doing. She only started to complain when she found out it was in New York.
Emily thought of all of this as she lathered her skin with lotion and slipped into the dress. She fixed her hair and even put on make-up and simple earrings that dangled down slightly with a black pearl on the ends. She went in and sat down on her bed and put on her brown and black sandals that laced up her legs. She stood up and gave herself a look in the full length mirror and admired herself for a moment, until…
“Good lord, you look like a girl!” Shawn announced as he came barging in.
“I am a girl.”
“Yes, I know, but now you look like one.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you look like one too,” she said as she patted him on the shoulder and then made her way downstairs. Shawn narrowed his eyes and then gave himself a once over in the mirror as well, but when he saw that he looked like a fine young man, he just rolled his eyes at his sisters remark and ran down the steps to catch up with her.
As soon as Emily made it downstairs and seen all the people in her house, she immediately turned around to head back up the them, but Shawn, the little devil, was blocking her way.
“If I have to go to this stupid thing then so do you,” he said to her.
“Fine, but you can’t leave me alone unless it’s with John, Jr. or his granddaddy…or our daddy.”
“I promise I won’t, unless I see a very fine woman.”
“I’m a very fine woman so stick with me.”
“Yeah, but I’m talking about one I can lay.”
“You’re such a romantic.”
They wandered through the hallway and zigzagged through the kitchen until they finally made it outside to the back yard, where there were even more people. The band was already set up, Old Man Riley’s sons were blessed with that gift from their mother, and they were playing a fast country song. Some couples were dancing, some were trying desperately hard to, and others were either sitting or standing, eating or talking, kissing or arguing. When Shawn caught sight of Alice Myers he glanced at Emily and gave her a pleading look.
“I thought she was married.”
“Her and Tim were only married for half a year, didn’t have any kids, and now she is single. Very single.”
“Fine go, but consider this as me making amends for pullin’ down your pants in front of her.”
“Agreed. See ya.”
Emily watched him as he quickly made his way over to the woman that he had been obsessed with since the age of fifteen and the woman was four years older than him too. Which made her even older than Emily. She only smiled and shook her head as she seen him lead her to the middle of the yard to dance. She continued to watch them as the Riley boys started to play a slow song and wrapped her arms around herself when she noticed that she was the only young woman there not dancing.
John slowly made his way to her from across the yard and slid his finger down her arm when he was standing beside her. She turned and looked at him and when he smiled at her she felt as though all those happy times that Old Man Riley was talking about were wrapped all together in that one smile of his. The same smile he always gave her and no one else.
“You gonna dance with me tonight Miss Emily?”
“You know I will John.”
He took her by the hand and led her out to the very center of where everyone was dancing because he knew that she couldn’t stand the attention, but he decided that when a woman looked as beautiful as she did, she deserved to be admired by every man and hated by every woman.
“John?”
“What?”
“Why do you always call me Miss Emily?”
“Well, when I first met you, that’s what my granddaddy called you, so that’s what I call you. Do you not like it?”
“No, I like it, I just wanted to know why.”
“You look beautiful tonight…Miss Emily.”
“You don’t look too bad yourself, John Riley, Jr.”
“I’m wearing blue jeans and a grey t-shirt and next to you I just look like some country boy.”
“You are a country boy.”
“Yeah, I am, but the way you look tonight makes me look like…well, crap.”
Emily laughed as he spun her out and twirled her, then smiled up at him when he brought her back close.
“You don’t look like crap. You look fine.”
“No, you look fine.”
“Are you trying to sweet talk me John Riley, Jr.?”
“Only if it’s working.”
“It might be.”
“Is it working good enough to get a kiss?”
“I guess you’ll find that out if I kiss you or not, now won’t ya?”
“What if I kiss you first?”
Emily held her breath as they stopped moving and he held her tighter. She couldn’t stop from staring into his eyes. Eyes as blue as the ocean and that seemed to be just as wide. When his lips came down over hers and only brushed over them she wished that he would kiss her. Instead he trailed off and kissed her softly on the cheek. The music stopped and when she heard the clapping she opened her eyes again and seen him smiling at her.
“Thank you for the dance Miss Emily,” and then he kissed her hand and was gone. She stood there for a moment and watched him walk away into the house. Then she went inside and sat down by Old Man Riley and her father and listened to them talk about business and sports. The party seemed to drag on for hours but still she only sat there. She kept watching to see if John would pass by but he didn’t. Finally, she got up and went to the front porch and seen that his truck was gone.
A few hours later everybody had left and she was in the kitchen helping her mother clean up. She was a bit concerned, but thankful, that her mother didn’t speak and after everything was done they both went upstairs and to their separate rooms. Emily took off her shoes and earrings and laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She felt as though she were empty and placed her hands on her stomach. She closed her eyes and started to cry silently to herself. When her cries became soft little sobs, she shut her eyes tighter and wished that she could just disappear forever. Then she felt a hand on her face and seen John.
“What’s the matter sweetie?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to stay the night with you, so I left and parked my truck down at the bar and walked back here, came in unseen and hid in your bathroom.”
Emily sat up and seen his boyish grin in the moonlight and shook her head at him.
“You really need looked after John.”
“So then look after me.”
“You can’t stay here.”
“Why not? It’s not like it would be the first time I snuck in your room in the middle of the night and stayed until sun up.”
“True…but I think that if you try to climb down the gutter now you’ll probably break it.”
“I probably would and that’s why I plan on going out the front door.”
“John.”
“Emily, I’m staying, now, are you going to tell me why you were crying?”
“I just felt like crying, that’s all.”
“Liar.”
“Yes, I am lying, but I’m not going to tell you why. It’ll just boost your ego up even more and you definitely don’t need that.”
“Did you think that I wouldn’t come back?”
“Yes.”
“Well…that does boost my ego a little bit.”
They laid down on the bed next to each other, face to face, and stared at each other for a while. John would play with the ends of her hair and then rub his hand down her arm and back up to her hair again.
“You really shouldn’t be here John.”
“There’s no other place in the world that I want to be than by you.”
“I’m not having sex with you.”
“I never asked you to.”
“No you didn’t, but I know you well enough to know what’s going on in your mind.”
“If you did, then you would know that sex is the farthest thing from my mind right now.”
“What do you want John?”
“To be with you.”
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, pressing his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes and they fell asleep. Emily dreamt of their ride on the beach and then of Mrs. Riley standing on the cliff looking out over the sea. She seen Old Man Riley walking towards her and when he reached her, he turned into young John and she became the woman on the cliff. He held out his hand for her but she didn’t take it, even though everything inside of her wanted to. He dropped his hand and smiled a smile of sorrow and when he walked away, there were tears in his eyes.
Then she dreamt of that night, standing all alone in the dark on the side of the road. She seen the headlights flash before her eyes and could hear her own screams and the laughing of the men. She felt hands upon her and she desperately tried to release them. She screamed and kicked and punched but nothing would work, then she heard John saying her name. She opened her eyes and he was holding her and rubbing his hand through her hair. He was shushing her and then he wiped the tears off of her cheeks.
“It’s alright Emily, it’s okay. It was just a dream.”
She held onto him and tried to stop the tears from coming but couldn’t do it. She was so afraid that he might ask again and she hoped that he wouldn’t, she couldn’t handle that right now. He didn’t however, he kept holding her and stroking her hair, telling her that everything was going to be alright. She finally stopped crying and fell back asleep. John stayed awake for a while longer, watching her, wondering about her. He had so many questions going through his head and he needed answers to them. Since she was obviously not going to give them to him, he would just have to find somebody who would. His mind made up, he laid back down and closed his eyes.
The morning came sooner than Mr. Rose had planned. Especially since he woke up at five and found himself restless. He took a shower and got dressed, then went downstairs to start the coffee. The coffee now brewing, he made himself a few
